Martha Stewart Has Balls

Moonday Madness

a blog for writers (and everyone else who is interested)

I think by now you know about my obsession with balls.

Just in case you’ve missed it, you’ll want to start at the beginning. It all began with my quest for a way to make my laundry a more green experience, and it ended up feeling blue. Read the post on Why Everyone Needs an Extra Pair of Balls and you’ll understand.

For those of you in the know, here is the next installment in my tragic tale.

No, it’s not a laundry story, but it does have to do with my husband.

Chuck itOn the weekends we pack the car up with the dog, Jeff, and myself, and head off to the dog park. (Code name DP, since our dog speaks limited English.) The most important piece of equipment is, THE CHUCKER.

Actually the brand name is ChuckIt, but we call it…THE CHUCKER.

And it’s terrible if we leave it at home because between my lack of sporting ability and Jeff’s bad shoulders (One had surgery a few years ago and the other will need it before too long.) the dog can run much farther than either one of us can throw.

I can hear my husband protesting in the background. He can throw without THE CHUCKER it just hurts like hell after  ten or twenty throws. Me, on the other hand,  I suck.

Now sometimes we bring our own balls. (Not the blue laundry balls, of course). But most of the time we use the gnarly tennis balls that inhabit the mud at the DP (remember, we don’t say Dog Park. Shh.)

Molly is a lab and she loves to run after the balls. So we pick up four or five (since Jeff has her mostly trained to drop one while she’s running for the next) and walk around the DP tossing ball after ball. Most of the balls are a faded Oscar the Grouch green. Some look like they used to be yellow, and occaisionally we spot a real live Chuckit ball, of the orange and blue variety that we know someone paid big bucks for and lost in the weeds and mud at the DP.

WE love those balls. They are special. We look for them. Do they last longer? I don’t know. But they stand out compared to the faded tennis balls. We can spot them when Molly loses one in the brush.

martha stewart dog ballsBut one day we found a pink ball. Not just any pink ball. (Most of the tennis balls are hot pink, but this one was a very pretty pastel pink.)We loved the ball. It stood out against the mud and the drought ridden weeds. It bounced and flew and didn’t even break when Molly savaged it with her 85 pound jaws.

And guess what brand it was.

Martha Stewart.

Yes, Martha Stewart has balls.

Pale blue, pale pink, and a very rebellious red. Just in case the standard tennis balls aren’t good enough for your pooch, you can have a special balls. Just like Martha.

And only $5.99 each.

Considering how fragile balls are when you tear at them with your teeth, I think these are a little pricey, but it may be worth it to you to color co-ordinate with your leash and collar set. Me? Well, Jeff, Molly and I, we’ll be hoping for more people to lose theirs at the DP. And when we donate our balls they’ll be of the usual variety. Used.

Having fun in November? I’m still Nanoing it, check in HERE for my progress on my gorgeous word count progress meter. Want one for yourself? Click HERE to find out all about them. Need your own new set of balls? Click HERE, and you too can have balls just like Martha Stewart.


Filed under About the Author, Moonday mania

11 responses to “Martha Stewart Has Balls

  1. Ka-Snort!

    I so relate, Jessica. We have two labs. Sydney and (wait for it…)


    Syd is the one who loved to play B-A-L-L until she blew her ACL. Molly was more the bounce house variety Ball Player. After $4000 in surgery and PT, my husband and I have an ongoing argument discussion about chucking the B-A-L-L for Sydney. I say, “Let her run. Screw the 50% chance she’ll blow the other ACL. It could happen when she jumps off a couch, our bed, over Molly. We’ll pay for repairs and she’ll have two good legs.”

    We used a tennis racket. DID NOT KNOW about the chucker and Martha’s balls. (Although, I suspected she had those all along. IYKWIM)

    Last note in my Novella as Comment: Be cautious with acronyms and spelling. My labs now know FP stands for Frosty Paw (doggie ice cream cups) and Syd can spell B-A-L-L.

    • Syd sounds like one smart puppy! We’ll have to change the DP to something else if my Molly catches on. (Hey, Molly is a great name!) We had a dog who blew out her ACL as well, she was a frisbee dog and boy could she run. She never quite got those skills back the same after her surgery, but she loved those frisbees. We had to hide the frisbee. Molly gets to keep some tennis balls out back, for some reason she doesn’t destroy those. I’m not sure why as she sure is a ball buster out at the DP and once their broken in we can’t get her to let them go. 🙂

  2. I do NOT have to color coordinate with my dogs. I only require TOUGH. My dogs could chew through sheetrock.

    • That’s a terrier for you. That’s why we go for cheap balls, Molly kills them on a regular basis. Actually I bought a black rubber ball that is very tough, but it squeaks. She loves it, my husband hates it! And it doesn’t fit in the chucker, so it’s purely for home use. It cracks me up buying a light pink ball to throw in the mud!

  3. So glad there are those who love their dogs, I just don’t happen to be one. Oh I like dogs and appreciate that others love them. Martha, now that’s another kettle of, well, house and home stuff. I do love to coordinate but don’t see the point in spending my retirement savings so every blessed season has its own set of decorations, placemats, vases, sheets, towels, blah, blah, blah–you get the point. But Martha Stewart balls? Just too much. Thanks for a good laugh. BTW, just how did you find time to write this when you’re knee deep in NaNo?

    • I’m with you Elaine! I haul out the same X-mas decorations we’ve had for years. They are looking a little shabby, but well loved. 🙂
      As for how am I doing this? First of all I wrote several blog posts in October, I’m a little ahead for the month. Second of all I’m behind on Nano. Not because of this, more because my edits for Snow and the Seventh Wolf came in this week, and I had my CRW meeting on Saturday. Next weekend I expect to do a little catch up, but the last week of November is going to be furious flying fingers on the keyboard!

  4. Colour coordination for our pets. We humans are so silly, dog would be just as happy with a stick, but it’s fun. Leashes and balls, okay, but personally, that’s where I draw the line. No tutu or hat on my pooch, (though I did indulge in reindeer antlers one year–for the kids benefit…)

    • Wonder if Molly would sit still for reindeer antlers? We do have a red leash and harness for her. She’s black, so the read really shows up! Mmm, I suppose those red balls would be find-able in the snow!

  5. stlaurec

    I have a ton of tennis balls, used, and the real color is called optic yellow. Could send some by mail 😉

    • Ooooh! Molly would be in heaven! I love that they are called optic yellow, but I have to say by the time they have been at the Dog Park for a few days, they are the same color as the fields. We hunt them down! If you didn’t want to ship them you could track down a dog park near you and place a bucket there. They would love them! I hear there is a dog park in Denver that is next to a tennis court and they have bins. Sounds like doggie bliss. 🙂

  6. Pingback: Moving the Balls | JessicaAspenWrites

Share your thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.